The Phantom's Day to Day Activities
by MementoMori1313
Summary: A humorous account of what the Phantom may do on an average day.
1. Morning

_A quick note: I wrote this story a few years ago, and I'm just now finishing it up. I was also talked into posting it, so I know that Bob Barker is no longer on TV. And that there are a few things that do no fit exactly. I also had to give Mme Giry a name as Erik would know her first name, they've known one another long enough._

_Other than that, I do not own these characters. They've just been borrowed for humorous purposes. Thanks._

* * *

**7am**

Erik woke up, stretching and yawning as he got out of bed. He headed into the bathroom for a shower, while scratching his butt. As he looked in the mirror he could see the effects of the previous night. Stalking the gala kept him up late, but it was worth it for what he learned, even though now the late hour he got to bed was showing.

Hoping that a good, hot shower would revive him and make him feel better, he turned the water on full blast. He stripped down, while humming "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" quietly to himself. After he stepped into the shower, he realized that he had used the last of the bar of soap the previous day, and reached for a fresh bar of Zest under the sink and sang "I'm Zestfully clean!" as he unwrapped it.

After he finished washing up, he toweled off while singing "I Would Do Anything" and silently cursed Meatloaf for writing that song he couldn't seem to get out of his head. After a quick shave, Erik tied his bathrobe tightly at his waist and headed into the kitchen for breakfast. He poured himself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and a cup of coffee and turned on Guiding Light. He opened up the morning newspaper to begin catching up on the Paris news. He spent the next hour drinking coffee and pursuing the paper, while half listening to the television program.

**830am**

At this time, the ballet dancers and, most notably (to him anyway), Christine should be getting up. Erik decided it was about time to get dressed and really begin his day.

As he entered his room, he looked at his unmade swan bed and thought to himself "When was the last time I washed the sheets?" and decided to strip the sheets off the bed. He carried them into the laundry room and dropped them into the washing machine and added some fresh scent Tide and filled the Downey ball and dropped it in.

He headed back to his room and entered his large walk-in closet. He decided on wearing a black ruffled shirt and some black form fitting pants. He headed back into the bathroom and brushed his teeth and rinsed with Listerine white. He had decided that a Phantom should have a white smile and headed back into his room to put on his white half mask. As he looked into the mirror, he pointed as his reflection and said "You da man!"

Just as the washing machine stopped, he headed back into the laundry room and put his sheets into the dryer before he headed off to a secret passage.

**9am**

Erik carefully made his was up to Christine's room and listened at the door. "Awake and watching The Price Is Right. Never would have pinned her for a Bob Barker fan." he thought. He silently slipped over to the two way mirror to get a look at his angel. There she sat, in pajama pants and a tank top, stuffing her face with cereal. Erik giggled, thinking about how young, yet how beautiful, she looked at that moment. Suddenly, Christine looked over at the mirror and Erik quickly hid, and silently berated himself for his lack of caution. After waiting a moment for her suspicion to pass, he stepped back in front of the mirror, just as there was a knock at her door.

Christine put down her cereal box, and got up to answer the door. Meg stood on the other side. "Christine, I ran out of conditioner, can I borrow yours?"

"Sure." she replied. Christine sensed something else, "Anything else you want?"

"Now that you mention it..."

"What, Meg?"

"You know that man who attended the gala? The friend of Raoul's?"

"Ugh, girl talk." Erik wondered if girl's talk about anything else, but still listened for a moment longer.

"Yeah, what about him?" Christine said.

"Well, I thought he was really cute. I was wondering if you could get Raoul to introduce us... maybe set something up? Christine, you know Raoul would do it if you asked."

"She wants Christine to get Raoul to get her a man? Why must Christine be forced to interact with that man? I must do something about this!" Erik said to himself. Maybe he could order a book about effectively courting a young woman off Amazon. He'll have to look later.

Meg went on and on about the friend of that distasteful Raoul. Erik had had enough of the girl talk and went on to other business.

**10am**

Erik decided to see what André and Firmin were up to. Not at all surprised, he found that the managers have not shown up for work yet. Erik decided to run some maintenance on his booby traps while he waited for the managers to show up.

After getting his tool belt, he set off through the passages to fix up his traps. He came upon the water pit first and oiled the gears for the grate above it. A quick test lowering the grate let him know that it was in proper working order, and quickly moved on.

He next went on to the room of mirrors and began to polish all the glass to a streak-free shine. Standing back to admire this prefect look of the mirrors, he was proud of the work he had accomplished, and went on to other activities.

**11am**

Erik put away his tool belt, happy with what he accomplished in such a short time. Looking toward his organ, he saw the sheet music to the song he had been working on. It was probably time to finish that song, so he grabbed a pen and an open can of Pringles and went to his organ bench and sat down. He began playing simple melodies, hoping to come up with something that fit with the song as it was started. Becoming entranced by the music, he suddenly realized that the rest of the hour had passed and he had finished the music for the song.


	2. Afternoon

**12pm**

Feeling hungry, Erik went to the kitchen to make some lunch. Opening the freezer, he pulled out a box of Lean Cuisine. "This looks good," he thought as he opened the box and put the tray into the microwave. As he waited for the microwave to stop, Erik went though his fridge and cabinets making a grocery list. "I really need to go to the store." He planned to go later that afternoon.

The microwave beeped, and Erik removed his food. He turned on the television just as _Passions_ was starting and sat down to enjoy his ravioli. "_Passions_ is such an intense show..."

Once finished with his food, Erik tossed out the container for his food, and went to the sink with his fork. He looked at the dishes in the sink and decided he shouldn't just let them sit there and quickly washed them.

"André and Firmin should be here by now." And with that, Erik grabbed his cape and set off into the secret passages.

**1pm**

Upon arriving at the office shared by André and Firmin, Erik was shocked by what he found.

"Firmin, do these pants make my butt look big?" André asked as he modeled his new pants for his business partner.

"Oh, André, really. I don't know why you worry so much. You look fine, honestly."

"I fear you say these things to make me feel better. What shirt should I wear with these? I'm trying to decide between these two." And with that, André held up two shirts, a cream coloured one and one in red. First, he held the cream shirt in front of himself and then he held the red on in front of himself.

"They both look good. I'm more partial to the red one."

"Really? I think it makes my complexion too pinkish."

"No, it's perfect."

"This is what these two do with their time?! No wonder they keep that door locked." Erik shook his head, from how the managers act around the dancers, he would have guessed they were straight. Completely weirded out by what the managers were doing, Erik moved on.

**130pm**

Erik new that the ballet dancers would be getting ready for their practice. He snuck over to their dressing room and peeked in. "I may love Christine, but I figure I can look at other girls. And some of them are even cute."

Erik began to get excited, so he moved to his hiding place over the stage and waited. The girls with tiny bodies in leotards moved onto the stage to rehearse for the new opera. He held his breath as the last two dancers came onto the stage, one blonde and one brunette. He knew these two girls were, Meg and Christine, were the last to show up for rehearsal, as usual. They were joking and talking as they took their positions on stage. as Mme Giry entered from the other wing.

"Warm up!" Mme Girl yelled.

All the dancers ran to the bars and began stretching, while still talking.

"Quiet!" All the dancers immediately fell silent.

Erik enjoyed watching the ballet rehearsals, seeing the grace of their movements. It was beautiful and fluid, and one of the times when he got to see Christine's other talents. His mind began to wander to thoughts of her assets and soon he was completely lost in thought.

Out of nowhere came a noise that brought him back to reality, and suddenly he was afraid someone may have seen him sitting there. He quickly moved away from the catwalks above the stage back to the safety of his passages.

**2pm**

Erik checked the time and saw that it was still to early to go to the grocery store. He decided to do some cleaning around the lair instead. Opening the cleaning cabinet, he pulled out the Swiffer Dusters, scraper and the brass polish. Erik looked at his organ and put the polish back knowing he could get away with just dry dusting the pipes. He removed the Swiffer Extender and wood polish and finished off gathering his supplies by tying a bandana around his hair to keep dust out of it.

Deciding to tackle the largest job first, Erik went around the lair and scraped wax off all the surfaces. He'd have to remember to order dripless candles later. It would make the lair look nicer and reduce his work. Next, he dry dusted his lair using the Swiffer Dusters and used the Extender to reach the organ pipes. Now all he needed to do was run through his lair with the Sweep and Vac and polish the organ. The organ was a real show piece and he had to keep it looking as good as he could.

**245pm**

Erik was happy how quickly he finished the housework. He checked himself to make sure he didn't smell by sniffing his armpits, and went off to check on the Opera House activities.

He went to Mme Giry's room to see what she was up to.

She was locked in her room... playing dolls?

There she sat with little action figures of everyone in the Opera House. Erik was furious. "Adreanna must have stolen those from me!"

Mme Giry was holding the Erik figure and the one of her. "Oh, Erik, I know our love is forbidden but I just can't help loving you! TAKE ME!" She cried in a high pitched voice.

Imitating Erik's voice she continued, "Oh, but I love Christine!"

"She'll never love you like I do, Erik! Say you want me and I'll be yours forever!"

Then Mme Giry picked up the Christine doll and began imitating her voice as well. "Did someone say my name?"

Mme Giry made her little figure attack the Christine figure. "Die, bitch! DIE! You ruin everything!"

Erik was a little worried about what he just witnessed. "She loves me? And knows my feelings for Christine?" This was an upsetting turn of events and he wondered who else knew. He'd have to look into that.

**315pm**

Erik needed to see his angel again. Pushing up his sleeve and checking his watch, he realized that Raoul would be visiting her. "Hmmm..." he could deal with that and maybe even make it work for him.

Christine and Raoul were lounging on the couch together, reading each other stories from a book of short fiction. They were smiling at each other and laughing at the funnier parts.

"Raoul, I think we should get another book to read from." Christine winked at him.

He kissed her. "Oh really? What kind of book would you want?"

"Oh, I don't know," she replied trying to feign innocence.

Raoul saw through her. "I'll see what I can do, if it will make you happy." And with that, he began to tickle her as she squealed with delight.

Erik rolled his eyes. "This looks more like puppy love than anything else." He sighed and wondered if he should drown his loneliness with Adreanna. She has always been there for him and she does love him. It would only be until Raoul and Christine eventually broke up.

"Raoul..." Her voice broke into his thoughts. "I think... Maybe we could... Go to the next... Umm... 'level'. What do you think?"

Erik nearly choked. "What?!"

"Christine, you know I love you. But I'd like to propose to you before any of that. Keep both of us honest, you know?"

Maybe he wouldn't be able to work this situation to his advantage. "Raoul was planning to propose? That's it!" He made up his mind.

"I think I'm ready now." All Raoul did was kiss her and gently stroke her hair.

Erik felt his heart break a little at this, but resolved not to let it bother him. "Lucky bastard," he mumbled. Raoul would be gone in time, no young couple lasts. But until then...

**345pm**

Erik went to Mme Giry's room and knocked softly on the door.

"Adreanna, are you there?" he asked quietly. When there was no reply, he moved away back into the darkness.

**4pm**

Erik wandered aimlessly for a while before finding himself at the door to little Meg Giry's room. He peeked in and watched the tiny girl trying on clothes. She was actually really cute. "How is it that I never noticed this?" Erik watched her for a moment, mesmerized by the beauty he never noticed before. Meg began to undress and Erik quickly left the spot where he'd been standing, slightly embarrassed. He looked back into her room and she was styling her hair, trying to find something suitable for her.

"'Etienne, it is so nice to meet you.' No, no, that sounds stupid." She sighed. "Maybe having Christine do this was a bad idea." With that, Meg stood up and left her room.

Erik wasn't surprised. A girl who grew up in an opera house couldn't make a good wife for an aristocrat, which made the Raoul/Christine pairing all the more perplexing to him. He followed Meg to Christine's room.

Meg burst into Christine's room and found her and Raoul kissing.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, but I really need to talk to Christine. Raoul, could you beat it for a while?"

"Sure. I know how important girl talk is," Raoul said before he left the room.

_That's all it takes to get rid of him?! I should have tried that._

Meg breathed deeply. "Christine, I think I made a mistake in asking you to have Raoul introduce me to Etienne. I don't think I want to go to supper with you tonight."

"At least one girl has some sense in her head," Erik thought.

"It's not that big of a deal, but if you really don't want to meet him..."

"I do, but I don't know what to say."

"Well, you know Raoul.. Etienne is a lot like Raoul. They are old school friends. Wouldn't it be fantastic? Etienne with you, Raoul with me!"

Erik cringed. "Another one will be spending time here? Geez, one was enough. And how could these girls like boys like this?! They are just girly men!" Erik thought as he stormed off.

**430pm**

Erik returned to his lair to fix dinner. He opened a cabinet and put a skillet on the stove burner and added a little olive oil. He turned the burner on and added two small chicken breasts. He cooked those carefully and just as they were almost done, he put some Uncle Ben's Ready Rice in the microwave.

Finding this a suitable meal, he sat down to eat just time for the five o'clock news. After dinner, Erik quickly washed his dishes and made the decision to go grocery shopping.


	3. Evening

**6pm**

Erik returned home with his groceries and began to put them away. Boxes went into cabinets, milk and juice into the fridge. He took out some fruit and placed it in a bowl on the counter. "Fruit always looks nicer in a bowl on the counter," He thought. "Hmm.. I want ice cream."

After scooping some mint chocolate chip ice cream into a bowl, he sat down to watch _Casablanca_. "Oops, almost forgot the tissues," he thought as he got up to grab a box of Kleenex.

Erik was a sucker for a good love story and the always made him cry. If only he had someone to watch it with... That was a great idea. Erik paused the DVD player and set off into the tunnels.

**615pm**

Erik knocked softly on the door. "Adreanna? Adreanna, it's me, Erik. Please open the door."

After a slight pause, the door opened and there stood Mme Giry. "Erik, what is it you want? I'm rather busy."

"I was wondering if you'd like to watch a movie with me. I'll make some popcorn and I've got ice cream," he said hopefully. "Please? I've got a wide selection. I was going to watch _Casablanca_, and I know how much you like that one."

Adreanna sighed. "Erik, really. I don't…" She let the sentence trail off seeing Erik's crushed expression. "Fine. I can always finish what I was doing tomorrow night. I hope you have the movie theatre butter popcorn and some mint chocolate chip ice cream."

Erik nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course I have those. I know they are your favourites." Erik could hardly contain his excitement at having someone to watch the movie with.

**630pm**

"Erik, what were you planning to do if I couldn't come?" Adreanna asked her old friend.

"Umm… Well, I was going to watch it alone, but I thought you would like to watch with me. I can't watch this one alone. It's too sad." Erik put the tissues between them one the couch. "Hey, do you want to watch _The Way We Were_ after this? Robert Redford and Babs Streisand?"

"'Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.' I don't know if we should watch two movies tonight." Adreanna put a handful of popcorn in her mouth. "What would we watch on the next movie night?"

Erik smiled. "I'm sure I could Netflix something. Oh, I like this part."

**815pm**

Erik watched as Adreanna set off into the upper levels of the opera house. He felt a twinge of disappointment that she did not want to stay and watch another movie. Oh well, he'd just have to convince her to do it another night. Turning back toward his lair, he began to clean up from watching the movie, picking up the used tissues to toss out. Next, Erik piled the ice cream bowls and spoons into the bowl from the popcorn.

Returning to the kitchen, he placed the bowls in the sink, deciding to wash them later. Erik went over to the desk that held his computer and booted it up. He remembered that he wanted to check Amazon for a book and he was running low on candles. He liked to order them from the Internet in bulk, he got a better deal that way.

As Erik waited for his computer to boot up and connect to the internet, he wandered over to the piano. He had a couple ideas for songs he wanted to get down on paper before he forgot. He could always flesh the ideas out later.

Erik turned back to his computer as he heard it finish booting up. He clicked open Firefox and typed in the url for Amazon.


	4. Night

**830pm**

Fifteen minutes of searching the self help section of Amazon, and nothing. Erik had not come up with a book on romance, let alone one on how to improve yourself to attract the opposite sex. This was frustrating.

Erik switched gears and directed Firefox over to to order up some dripless candles for the lair. They have the best selection. Maybe he'd even pick up some scented candles for his bedroom. As he browsed the site, he saw something called a "ball" candle. Thinking they were pretty, he picked a few up for his dining room table. He would need to search for a pretty, and suitable, holder for these new candles.

After placing his order, Erik remembered he hadn't replaced the sheets on his bed. Putting away his credit card, he headed off to take care of the forgotten chore.

**930pm**

Once finished in the bedroom, Erik grabbed his sword for a long workout. He had some pent up frustration to work out. Maybe he shouldn't have spent so much time watching Christine today.

Sword in hand, Erik headed off to his exercise room. It was a lovely set up with some free weights against one wall, a punching bag in the corner, and mirrors lining one wall. However, the pièce de résistance was the sparring dummy he created himself. It bore a striking resemblance to Raoul. Erik liked it that way, it helped him work out his frustrations better. And after today, that dummy was going to get quite a working out.

Erik crossed the room and poked the dummy in the abdomen with the tip of his sword. "Take that, Raoul!" He cackled.

Stepping back, Erik lowered him into a sword fighter's stance. Eying his opponent, he yelled "En garde!" before lunging at the Raoul dummy.

He missed.

"Ah ha! Anticipating that, were you?" Erik called out in a deep voice.

Altering his voice into a high falsetto, he imitated Raoul. "Oh, yes, of course. I'm such a good swordsman I can sense what you are going to do."

Enraged, Erik grunted and swung his sword at the Roul dummy, making contact with the shoulder. "I bet you weren't expecting that!"

"Oh, no, I bow you your superior knowledge and skill."

"I bet you do. I call that my 'Super Awesome Slashy' move."

"It is quite an impressive move, I must say." squeaked Erik as Raoul.

Growling, Erik said, "Did we come here to fight, or to chat?! I thought it was to fight." And with that, he landed another attack on the dummy.

"How… Dare… You… Steal… My… Girl…" Erik panted as he took swing after swing against the dummy.

Grunting, Erik pushed the sword through what was left of the dummy. "Well, I guess that ends the workout for tonight," he thought as he surveyed the damage he had caused. "Well, repairing that will just have to be a project for another day."

Erik turned on his heel, and headed toward his bathroom for a shower, putting his sword away as he went.

**1045pm**

Freshly showered, Erik set off through the passages to see Christine. She's usually getting ready for bed about this time. He arrived at her room just as she was changing for bed.

This is always Erik's favourite time of the day. While he allowed the other girls in the opera house privacy at moments like this, it was too difficult to pull himself away from Christine.

Christine reached up to undo the back of her ballet dancer's clothes, and Erik had to stifle a groan. "God, she's so pretty. Why is she wasting herself on that fool Raoul?" he thought to himself.

Erik felt his pants grow tighter as he watched Christine slip her arms out of her sleeves. He could barely contain himself, he would have to leave before long. As her dress fell to the floor, he felt his resolve to stay where he was waning; Erik was definitely going to have to leave or he might launch himself through the two-way mirror.

Christine bent to lift her dress from the floor, she was striking in her corset and petticoats. She walked across the room to deposit the discarded garments into the laundry. Erik sucked in a quick breath as he watched Christine reach for the laces of her corset.

Time seemed to slow as she undid her corset to slip out of it. Erik didn't know how much longer he could stand it. He was already testing the strength of his pants seams. There was a knock at the door as Christine began to undo the first set of laces on her corset.

"One moment!" she called as she quickly tied the laces and grabbed a dressing gown.

"Damnit!" Erik said softly to himself. Raoul had entered the room and he left his head drop to the pane he was looking through.

"Who's there?! I know it's you, Erik!" Raoul yelled out. "Stop perving on my girl or I will find you!"

Sensing trouble about to start, Erik quickly hid.

"Oh, Raoul, he's just lonely. Let's leave him be… You're just in time to help me with something anyway…"

Raoul raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Oh, I am? What is it you need help with, mon chérie?"

Christine tried to look innocent. "Well, it's just that… I can't quite reach to undo my corset… I was wondering if you could do it for me."

Erik groaned in disgust. This was not the way he wanted this to go, he wanted to watch her undress, but he did not want to watch that… that… Nancy boy undressing her. He didn't even want to watch Raoul looking at Christine.

"Christine, you are a truly evil creature. You know how I feel about that. I want to make an honest woman of you first."

"He won't touch her? He… He… He wants to make her an honest woman?! Who _says_ things like that?!" Erik was outraged and turned on his heel and stalked back off down the passage.

**1130pm**

Erik returned to his lair and stormed about.

"What do I do? I can't have her. If he proposes… I'll have to get him out of the way…. But she truly seems to care for him. Will killing him make her fear me?"

Erik stormed off to the kitchen, needing something to calm his nerves. He opened a cabinet and pulled out his box of sweets. Ahhh… A Milky Way to settle him. That was exactly what was needed just now. As he tore through the wrapper, Erik contemplated what to do.

"Maybe one of those ballet harlots would go for me. They were all over nancies, André and Firmin. Maybe if I got a better mask, and only approached in the dark. I think I just need a little female company to boost my confidence a little. I can't believe Amazon didn't have any books on this subject. They have just about everything else!"

Erik sighed. He knew he couldn't let himself get worked up over these things. There was only so much he could do about the way things were right now. All he needed was time to plan before he could act. It would just be a matter of time.

Yawning and stretching, Erik knew he should turn in soon. It was still earlier than he usually went to bed, but he was still wiped out from the previous night.

**12am**

Erik set a bottle of water on his bedside table, before turning his covers down. He walked off to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As he entered the bathroom, Erik reached up and gently removed his mask. He went to the linen cabinet to retrieve a fresh wash cloth, and began to wash his face. After wetting his face, Erik pumped a little St. Ives Elements Olive Cleanser into his palm and lathered up. St. Ives has always been Erik's favorite cleanser, and since coming out with this olive cleanser, he's been in heaven. It's help maintain the moisture balance of his skin. His skin is quite prone to dryness. Using the dampened wash cloth, Erik rinsed the cleanser off his face. A little Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing lotion, and he was ready to brush his teeth. Erik rinsed his mouth and left the bathroom, tossing the disposable cup in the trash as he went.

Erik loved his relaxation time before he slept. It was the one time of the day reserved exclusively for himself. He loved nothing more than curling up between the sheets with a romance novel. Harlequins were his favorite, but he would never admit that to anyone. Not even Adreanna, his closest friend and confidante. Erik cracked the book open as he snuggled deeper into the bed, knowing it wouldn't be long before he fell asleep.

* * *

_Fin._

_That's it, the Phantom's day is complete! What did you think? Please review. _


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